The Khloe Kardashian Effect



I'm sure most of you opened this blog thinking or hoping I was going to be bashing Khloe Kardashian, but you're wrong. I'll actually be doing the opposite. As I drove home tonight I heard yet another Khloe weight joke on the radio. The disgust that rolls across my whole body is only the the very tip of how SICK and TIRED I am of hearing weight jokes about women at all and about Khloe Kardashian, as if she even remotely has a "weight problem."

The Kardashians have been a target for all sorts of scruitany and that will never change. People love to hate on others, especially celebrities for all kinds of reasons, most of all envy and jealousy.  I am no saint. I have had my fair share of "haterade" toward all kinds of people and situations, especially at a younger, more insecure age. But the lengths at which the media will go in order to insult a beautiful, intellegent, and yes wealthy woman is simply sick.  It doesn't just make Khloe a target but also attaches her name to a weight stigma, which she will carry around with her forever. It insults women of all shapes and sizes and again shows why we, as women will continue to have such insecurities.  If our society is calling Khloe Kardashian fat, then I don't want to know what they would have called me after I gave birth to both my children.

The most natural thing in life for a woman's body to do is to carry a child if she's able to, for her body to make changes in size as the months go on and then give birth. It is impossible for a woman to go through life staying the same shape, especially if she plans to have children.  What are we telling our young girls and youth if we are calling a seemingly perfect looking celebrity, fat?  It's ridiculous and sick. My sister recently saw Khloe at a Clipper game in person and commented on how tiny she is in real life.  I don't have daughters, but I'll be damn sure that my sons know what a realistic woman's body is and that every size is beautiful.  We've already begun talking about terms like "fat" and "big" when it comes to people's bodies, becuase our 5 year old is already bringing home language that is completey inappropriate and judgemental when speaking about another's weight. Unfortunately it it is the reality of what our children are learning from our society.

Khloe is only one person who must sadly deal with harsh judgement about her weight, and in the public eye at that. She is trying to be a positive role model and deal with her insecurities in a healthy way all at the same time, when maybe she's feeling just as insecure as everyone else or moreso because her every move is being watched.  Yes I know she's rich, beautiful and all that, but that in no way means it's ok to be so mean and judgemental.  Our society gets off on tearing people down rather than lifting people up, especially women.  We would rather focus on the negative because we're all so miserable and unhappy that we can't be happy for someone else.  Let's get our heads out of our asses and if you really hate Khloe that much then get off your couch and quit watching her show and off your computer where you call her fat!  The craziest thing is that Khloe is the favorite Kardashian.  I can't even count how many people I hear say she's the most down to earth and non-materialistic one.  She's got the happy marriage and seems to be as grounded as possible when it comes to the unnatural life she lives.  From fertility issues to weight scruitany, all of these real things that she deals with, we should be praising her and thanking her for sharing all of that with us, not calling her fat.

   

In a Perfect World

In a perfect world there is no hate

We all have a friend, a friend to relate.

We never feel alone 

Or scared to be home

No war, just love and great debates.

We wear our differences like a badge of honor

We see beauty in all shapes, sizes and colors.

There is love and peace

No starvation, just feasts

And one's kindness only gets kinder.

Today we experienced hate

A soul that felt he had no friend, no friend to relate.

He felt alone

Like he had no home

He made war, stole love and some lives couldn't be saved.

In our weakness we might not wear that badge of honor

Because we may only see his differences in culture or color

We might judge him and blame him 

For acting out of hatred

Because his anger only gets angrier. 

Sadly, we must be devastated and shocked

Our worlds must get rocked

To shake us out of a fog.

We are learning by sadness

Helpless tragicness

And we only want it to stop.

Out of the dark will come light

Out of weakness will come the fight

We must learn to value our lives.

Live like there's only today

Let nothing stand in our way

And fight as hard as we can to survive.

In our imperfect world, 

In this moment of sorrow

Nothing is promised

Not yesterday,

Today,

Or tomorrow.

#mommyproblems

After a 20 minute battle with my four month old this afternoon, he finally fell asleep.  As I was sitting in his nursery rocking him into a deep sleep, you know, the one where I knew I'd at least get the dishes done, I started to hear my four year old pee into the toilet.  As I was rocking back and forth, I caught a glimpse of him standing over the toilet through the crack in the door.  I was only getting half a second view at a time, then I realized he was standing over the toilet holding none other than my iPhone!  Just to be sure my eyes weren't fooling me, I needed a better look.  So I confirmed by trying to slow the rocking chair to more of a long stride in order to keep my infant asleep in my arms, yet get a peek at my son hovering the toilet with my phone in his hands....and....confirmed!  I realized he was playing a game and one wrong move and my phone was a goner.  Great I was now faced with quite the dilemma; yell down to the bathroom for my son to step away from the toilet with my phone in hand which will definitely wake up my four month old, and possibly startle my four year old so that he drops the phone in the toilet anyway. Option 2: pray that he doesn't drop it and ensure my baby stays asleep....sounds like a much more expensive decision if the cards do NOT fall in my favor, but I'm dying for a break at this point so I'm going to rationalize that it's worth it.  Needless to say I chose option 2 which turned out to be a good choice this time, but I had to have a talk with my son to make sure he understands not to do that again and I'm pretty sure it didn't sink in at all and it will continue to happen again and again whether I realize it or not.

Awesome!
#mommyproblems

Breastfeeding: Practice Makes Progress

Well, here I am 4 months since giving birth and STILL breastfeeding!  When I wrote my first post; Breastfeeding: On the Real I was only 3 weeks post birth and just beginning to become comfortable physically and emotionally with breastfeeding and I'm SO HAPPY I stuck to it!  It really took me up until 6-8 weeks to stop feeling physical pain but I am proud and confident to say that it actually DOES get easier.  I remember reading so many women say that it got easier after 2 weeks, some said after 4 weeks and there I was 6 weeks later and still feeling sore and unsure that I would really be able to breastfeed much longer.  Everyone is different and I can honestly say that it took me up until my son was 2 months old for me to stop thinking about my short-term goals.  I was happy to make it to 6 weeks and told myself that if it continued to be that painful and difficult, that I would be so proud that I stuck it out that long.  But the more I reminded myself why I was committing to it in the first place, it just continued to give me that boost of confidence and motivation to keep going.  My son is now 17 weeks old and I no longer even think about how much longer I can go, or why I'm doing it.  It's become my new normal and like anything else, after a while you don't see it as a nuisance or inconvenience, which honestly, used to cross my mind in the beginning weeks.  I still don't know how long I'm going to breastfeed, and the reason I don't know is because I choose not to put the pressure on myself and that has been working so well for me.  I'm so proud with how far I've come. I haven't yet had to go back to work and will continue to breastfeed until I have to go back, and who knows, maybe longer.  As the saying goes, practice makes perfect, but in my life, I go by the motto, practice makes progress, because that's what I am and will continue to be in all aspects of my life, a work in progress.

Mr. Mom

When asked by others what I like to do in my spare time, I immediately respond with "I'm a Mom," as if that's a hobby or a verb.  It's not all that defines me, but since becoming a Mom 4 1/2 years ago and again for the second time 10 weeks ago, it's pretty much what defines me these days.  I spend 24 hours a day with my 10 week old and know his every cry and cue.  And in what I consider my small world right now (my house), my hobbies as a mother on a daily basis consist of smelling my son's breath as he sleeps, watching his eyes roll around as he goes deeper to sleep and of course speak baby talk in my best baby voice.  It doesn't take a whole lot of skill, but it takes a whole lot of love that can only come from a Mommy.  I've convinced myself that I am the only one who knows how to comfort my baby boy, cradle him just right, feed him until his little heart is content and make all of the right judgement calls.  I've got all the answers and no one can get my little boys to behave any better than when they are with me, it's just the facts.

If you follow my blog, you know I have the most over achieving husband on the planet.  He's Super-Husband, Super-Dad and basically Super-Man!  But one thing he will never be is ME!  I'm the Mommy to my 2 little boys and they adore me beyond belief, true story! So when I asked him to watch both boys for a whole day (10 hours to be exact) while I go get my drink on in Napa, I was certain he'd be scared poop-less.  I was sure he'd be so anxious, but in true overachieving fashion, he played it cool.  I, on the other hand was having an anxiety attack.  I mean, would he smell in his breath as he slept and talk in a baby voice the way my baby likes it?  I had to prepare by pumping enough milk days in advance to accommodate my little one, worry for days in advance that I'd come back from Napa and no one would be alive and a few times I even thought about throwing in the towel on my trip after I convinced myself that there's no way he'd be able to handle the job!  After expressing my fears to my husband at least a handful of times a day leading up to my departure and getting laughed at every time, I decided to just suck it up and go.  After all, it was for a dear friend's bachelorette/bridal day and the last thing I was going to do was miss it because I have control issues, that would just sound dumb trying to explain! So I went....

As I left, I felt relieved, guilty, guilty and a little more guilty.  I was pretty sure my sons already felt abandoned and unloved by me before I even got to the first stop light.  I didn't call him during my drive for fear that I would be too close and turn around if I got any inkling that something might be wrong.  When I got to the winery I heard me say both my son's names about 50 times in the first hour.  I mean even I was getting tired of hearing myself talk, but it's like I had no control over my mouth!  My husband held to the agreement to send me pictures, although he didn't hold up to the agreement when I said "send me pictures ALL DAY!"  I think I got 2 sets of pictures that I looked at all day long with captions that said "they are doing really good."  I mean I didn't ask him to rub it in my face that the kids were still alive without me being there, but I forgave him.  Then suddenly I had 6 tastings of wine and about 90 minutes later realized that I hadn't not only said my kid's names but I hadn't thought about them every minute, so once again I felt HORRIBLE and GUILTY!  I was borderline drunk since not drinking for a year and now felt like I must look like an alcoholic mother who doesn't love her kids!  I told myself to pull back and stop the boos!  I made sure to call my husband while I was fresh off the wine wagon, because like I said, I make the best judgement calls, and so he knew that his cousin was driving our car back to the house in Napa because I was too drunk to do so, again awesome judgment calls all the way around!  He sounded like he was busy, talking quietly because our baby was asleep in his arms.  Ok, at that moment I felt relieved and appreciative since I was obviously not in superstar form to take on the care of my boys.

As we drove down through a windy canyon road and found the great house we'd be lounging at all day, we all realized we didn't have cell service on our phones.  PANIC! My heart stopped until I found one spot in the house where I was able to get a few text messages to my husband.  I could have continued the party but as I watched a bunch of my skinny, tan friends get into the pool, I decided I'd spare everyone the pain of seeing me in my two piece and became a bit of a wall flower instead.  After the alcohol left my system and it was clear I was not going to be the life of the party as I pumped and dumped twice in 4 hours, I was ready to get back to my babies.  After being attached to your infant child for 10 weeks, it's best to ease into these kinds of social gatherings anyway.  I said my goodbyes and headed home.  I couldn't wait to get into cell service range so I could call my husband and hear how badly he wanted me to get home!

I made the call as I got my car onto the CA-12.  My husband who sounded shockingly sane, let me know that both of my sons were just waking up from their wonderful naps.  I got to hear how my baby boy did an amazing job napping and eating all day and how my older son was on his best behavior!  And during their naps my husband was able to do 2 loads of laundry and clean the toilets!  Then if I recall, he said something along the lines of "it was easy!"  I immediately felt somewhat disappointed.  A part of me wanted the kids to be somewhat of a challenge for him so he could see what I go through every day.  I told him that maybe he should do it alone for more than one day and of course his response was "if I could take the days off work, I would definitely do it again!"  HA! Ok! And if that wasn't a slap in the face, he let me know that they wouldn't be home when I got home because he was packing up both kids and taking them to Toys R Us!  YEA! GREAT!! At that point I pretty much laughed and said "Well Alright then!" I gave up! He won! He's always going to have the best attitude, be an over achiever and never admit to being stressed!  But inside apart of me would like to think that there was a little bit of stress and anxiety over being home alone with our 2 children for a whole day...and of course, he obviously caught them both on a good day...I mean, obviously!

Breastfeeding: On the Real

With my first son, I have to admit, I was clueless.  From breastfeeding to how much work a baby actually was, I was as green as they come.  Before getting pregnant I thought, 'aw how cute and fun it would be to have a baby!'  Obviously that was a fantasy, one I'm grateful for everyday, but nonetheless, that fantasy proved to be quite the life-quake.  Our son was born jaundice.  He didn't have to stay in the hospital but I was told to supplement his feedings with formula.  I was breastfeeding the first few days, then pumping and supplementing to get rid of the jaundice.  This was not only nerve wracking, but exhausting!  Never having breastfed before, all I knew was it hurt, it took a lot of patience that I didn't have and it was more tiring than I could have ever imagined.  Bottle feeding him formula and breast milk ended in him solely on the bottle and I stopped pumping after 6 weeks due to my lack of milk supply.  No sleep, the demands of feeding and all of the other hormonal and emotional feelings I was having had me feeling the 'baby blues.'  Was it just me feeling this way? Was I doing something wrong?  I looked around and I seemed to be one of the only women among my peers who had a child, so the loneliness contributed to my blues.  I felt kind of like a failure, especially when it came to breastfeeding.  Everyone seemed to have an expectation of me, but no one was harder on me than myself.  All I wanted was to give my baby what he needed, to feel supported in whatever decision I made and to feel confident enough to make that decision for myself and not let others influence how I fed my child. I can't remember how many times I've been asked, still to this day, why I formula fed my first son and why I didn't breastfeed.  It's almost felt like a competition of sorts, as to who was the better mother and who could "do it all" without looking affected.  I couldn't get my mind around this and couldn't help but feel judged.

Cut to 4 years and 4 months later; there I was, preparing to give birth to my second son.  All I could think about was how I wanted to do things differently.  The experience of having your first child truly prepares you in the best possible way for that second baby.  My expectations were so different, my reality was clear, I knew breastfeeding would be hard, but I told myself I would give it all I had and not put so much pressure on myself to be perfect.  All in all, I just knew, it was going to be hard, especially while having a 4 year old at the same time.  Here I am, 3 weeks into it and yep, I was right, IT'S HARD!!!! Not just breastfeeding or having a 4 year old, but all of it!  It's exhausting beyond belief! But the difference this time and yes there is a real difference, is that I didn't have those same expectations.  I knew what to expect when it came to having a newborn, but I was completely new to being a mother of 2 and I knew it might make my attempt at breastfeeding that much harder.  My previous experience gave me the patience I needed and the knowledge that this little baby won't be this little forever.  I knew I needed to take it all in and relish this demanding time, as crazy as that might sound.  I knew I would miss it once he grew out of this stage in his life.  My mind set changed completely and that has made things so much easier.

So while I feel like a first time mom when it comes to breastfeeding, I am giving it everything I've got and for me, it's definitely good enough.  My son is exclusively on breast milk.  I breastfeed 90% of the time, I pump and bottle feed breast milk if we are out and about and I can't breastfeed.  Then my husband feeds our son one bottle in the middle of the night so that I can get that extra few hours of sleep, which makes all the difference in the world.  There are mothers who do not believe in giving their babies the bottle, especially this early, and that is great for them!  We are very lucky that our son has had no problems going from breast to bottle and back to breast.  This works for us and we are getting into a great routine.  I'm in no way saying this isn't hard!  I have already struggled with shallow latching issues, which in turn has damaged my nipples and created a semi-torturous few days of feeding before I spoke to a lactation consultant and began the process of healing my nipples and getting my son on a proper latch.  It's super demanding, especially this early on when they feed every 2-3 hours and cluster feed during growth spurts.  But in the end, for me, it's a day to day accomplishment.  Since I don't really feel like it's come as easily or naturally to me as it may others, I can only look at it as an achievement, and every day I get through, I am so proud of myself and can't help but feel satisfied that my son is getting the most nutritious form of milk that he can.  I'm seeing his little body gain weight and start to fill out and it feels so good knowing I can do that for him.  Today is a good breastfeeding day, I don't know what tomorrow will bring, but only I can decide what is best for my son and I, no one else.

Painted Wallpaper: Pinterest Inspired Nursery Project, Continued

As the nursery for my baby boy comes along, I thought I'd post more pictures showing the progress.  The painted wallpaper is really the main attraction, but as we fill it with furniture, it's definitely all coming together.  

In this photo below the crib and lamp are from Ikea and the rocking chair is one we had from when my 4 year old son was born.  I believe it was from Babies 'r" Us.

This is my favorite corner of the room.  I wanted this lamp so badly! It's from Potterybarnkids.com and is the most beautiful little accent piece for the room.  The storage piece is from Ikea and I have yet to fill 

it with storage bins.  I plan to hang a blown up, framed photo from my maternity photo shoot about above the storage unit once I get it.

  

This mirror below was a mirror that we have had for 4 years.  We originally got it from Marshall's or Ross and it had a black frame.  We spray painted it a semi-gloss white in order to match the nursery and it turned out better than we expected.  The dresser is from Ikea and will double as a changing table.